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Presumably, most husbands and wives take time to discuss the major decisions in their lives: whether or not to have children, which career path to follow, and who gets to control the TiVo®. So why aren't spouses talking about retirement? Does your spouse live to work or work to live?

On September 27, 2007, The Wall Street Journal published an article detailing a Fidelity Investments study that underscored what many financial planners already know: husbands and wives aren't taking the time to discuss and plan for later in life. Fidelity surveyed 502 couples, questioning each spouse individually, and 41 percent disagreed when asked whether at least one partner would work in retirement. Thirty-five percent differed when asked about each other's expected retirement age. In total, only 38 percent said they had worked together on financial planning for later in life. Ideally, you should married couples should be asking these 10 questions at least five years before the first spouse retires:

1. Do you really want to retire, and if so, when? For Baby Boomers, born 1947 to 1964, decisions about retiring are not so clear-cut. Retirement should be something to run to, not run away from (for example, from a miserable job). Many see working as a way to stay healthy, happy energetic and mentally fit. Can your spouse explain why they want to retire?

2. What is your retirement vision - and do both of you share the same vision? A mistake often occurs when couples assume that their spouse shares the same dreams and wants to pursue the same activities during retirement. However, hiking across the Australian Outback may be the last thing your spouse wants to do.

3. Where do you want to live during retirement? Couples have many options - living near their children and grandchildren, staying in their current home, or moving into a retirement community. What kind of home do you want to live in? Too much togetherness in a small home can be a problem if your previous home was large and spacious. You may even want to consider renting homes in various places before making a decision.

4. What is your strategy for building and preserving a nest egg? Many couples mistakenly think that building the nest egg stops once they reach retirement. However, a healthy couple can live up to 40 years after reaching their retirement, and must continue to grow their nest egg.

5. What assets do you have set aside for retirement? Are these assets invested in the most beneficial ways to achieve your goals? In many households, one spouse manages the finances and the other has little or no knowledge about retirement planning. In the event of illness, divorce or death, that ignorance can be crippling. Improperly invested retirement assets are another potential risk. Does your spouse know how you are invested and why?

6. How much money will you need to support your lifestyle in retirement? Only 43 percent of surveyed workers say they and/or their spouse have tried to calculate how much money they will need to live comfortably in retirement. It is important to contemplate whether or not expenses and spending will go down in retirement. Write out a monthly budget. Be sure to have quarterly spouse meetings to review this budget and any circumstances that may cause the budget to change.

7. Do you have an estate plan? If so, where is it? You may want to write a letter to your children as a guide to how your estate plan works, giving its exact location. You may even want to have a meeting where you read and give the letter to your children. Only 45 percent of couples in the U.S. have a will, making it imperative that you review your documents and ensure you have an estate plan.

8. What will your legacy be? Each spouse should ask each other. "What is the most significant thing I would like to accomplish before I die?" Do you know your "commonalties?" Legacy goals drive the idea of moving from living a successful lifestyle to a significant lifestyle.

9. What kind of relationships - personal and financial - do you want to have with your children later in life? You may not have as much "free time" in retirement as you might think. If you retire at 65, your children may be calling for you to baby-sit the grandchildren. Is this your vision of retirement? Couples should discuss how much time and money they are willing to spend in retirement on their family and how much they want to spend on themselves.

10. How will you approach, and manage, getting older? Spouses cn have very different reactions to aging, both physically and emotionally. One spouse may become obsessed with maintaining a youthful appearance and spend thousand of dollars on cosmetic surgery. The other spouse may come to regard these expenditures as a waste of valuable and limited retirement assets. Ask each other, "What is your attitude about aging? Denial, facing it squarely, or ruminating about it endlessly?" Discuss if will they use home health care or assisted living care (a long-term care need) facility.

Spouses should be talking about retirement. Some of the most significant issues facing retiring couples don't revolve around money at all. It is a momentous change in a couple's life to move from working to leisure. It is as important to discuss what you will do when you retire as it is to discuss how you will afford retirement.

Bruce Lahti is a Chartered Retirement Plans Specialist, an Associate Professional Member of the American Society of Pensions Professionals and Actuaries and manages the JCCS Benefit Consulting Group at the Great Falls office of JCCS.

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